I dream of... butternut squash?

Sometimes dreams are like planting daisy seeds and instead growing butternut squash.
Not what you expected.
Takes some getting used to.
but the jarring aside...
butternut is better for your body and your soul.
(just a mission to peel.)
Daisies fuel insecurities
as the petals fall
one
by
one
to the grass that's greener on the other side.
sowing seeds of discontentment instead of songs of joy.

meanwhile,
you're in the kitchen (with Dinah?)
peeling butternut
all your emotions wrapped up in one action
the battle begins: steel against skin
 thwip, thwip, thwip
the squash (not so aptly named) refuses to be vanquished.
more effort. stronger will.
refusing to be appealing the squash slips off your hand and into the trash.
defeated, you pluck it from the pile of more obliging vegetable peelings,
rinse it off,
and begin again.
the slick surface of the squash meets the force of the blade and immediately
slips again.
rinse.
thwip, thwip, thw- slip. rinse. again.
with each rescue form the rubbish the tears begin to rise.
frustration.
near cursing.
WHO DREAMS LIKE THIS?!
tears.
keep going.
the question remains.
Slip. Plunk. ARGH! Trickle. Sniff. Thwip, thwip, thwip...
keep going.
Finally.
it. is. finished!!
glance back at the counter behind.
FIVE MORE.
heart sinks to toes.
reach for the next  (MOT)
Thwip, thwip, thw-slip. plunk.
FIST OF RAGE.
rinse. begin again.
somehow...
the end is reached.
three steps forward, four steps back.
ten steps forward, three steps back.
battle is won, but war is not over.
CHOPPING.
strength. steel. balance.
thwack, thwack, thwack.
the squash rolls.
steady.
when arms ache from chopping squash... the war is over.
into the pot.
plunk. plunk. plunk.
wearily, retire to a stool and wait.
stir occasionally.
hope rises.
wait.
sprinkle a dash of salt.
stir.
TASTE.
result?
HALLELUJAH CHORUS!
best butternut soup you've ever tasted.
Served?
At the feast where the King dines with His children
and every beggar, orphan, and widow is invited with open arms.
songs of joy resound.
warmth of love and soup fills soul and body.
the question returns.
WHO DREAMS LIKE THIS?!
"ahh, it is simple," my soul replies
"my Father."

As the Good Book says, "Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy." - Psalm 126:5

{Thanks to: Savana, who taught me to cook, inspired me to dream, and made me peel butternut squash. Jessica, whose love for Jesus, butternut and ZA, has blessed me more than words. Laura from Cape Town, who made me the most kiff butternut soup on the planet. YUM.}

I Can't Wait

The journey of planning this trip has been ridiculous. So many ups and downs, so many twists and turns. Our current focus has by necessity been fundraising, which can be really difficult. And with a to-do list that is a mile long, as I am still in school that's going full swing, things have been pretty crazy.

Tonight, in an effort to focus my heart,  I was browsing some Zambia pictures and this one jumped out at me:

I caught sight of the sign. Shop Rite. oh joy of all joys. I was overcome with an ecstatic joy that soon I'd be in Shop Rite again. (There is one in Kampala I got to visit several times and it was like a magical wonderland. It's just a normal grocery store.. but when you've been living in a smaller town with only supermarkets, it's overwhelming.)

And then I was flooded with reminders. And I just can't wait.

I'm excited to hear Mzungu! Mzungu! everywhere I go (Or perhaps a different word for white person. I'll find out quickly I'm sure. haha)  I can't wait for crowded taxi rides, eating chapatis, and MTN signs everywhere. I want to buy some Omo washing powder to wash my clothes with (it smells the best for sure!) I'm excited for the ever-changing plans and the steady rhythm of the Zambian day, run more by relationships and less by the clock. Bring on the mozzy nets, the squatty potties, and the Ugali (Posho). Oh my heart is leaping at all of these things. I cannot wait. Fresh pineapples, mangos, and passion fruit. YUM. People whose hearts are huge and smiles are as big and warm as the sun. Jajas wrapped in their colorful clothes. Goats. Chickens on the taxi. Having a million reasons to shrug it off with "T.I.A!" Life in the bush bush. I cannot wait.

And yet, these memories are all from far away lands. Zambia will be similar to Uganda in many respects. And yet, I cannot wait to see the differences. Zambia, I cannot wait to meet you. To learn your phrases, names, places, sights and sounds. I'm excited to meet your people, hear your stories, and sing your songs.

Then there's South Africa. Ahhh. Words fail me. I seriously can't even wait. Dear ZA, I've been dreaming of you for more than four full years now. I've heard so much about you, I've basically already fallen in love with you, I can't wait to meet you for real. The anticipation? Be still my heart. I just might jump out of my skin. :D

My first trip to the beloved continent found me an 18 year old, bright eyed optimist ready to change the world for Jesus. I had great intentions but was so clueless as to where I was really going. Not only that, passion & good intentions will only get you so far. This time, I'm 23 and I definitely don't even remotely have it figured out. I've realized that while Jesus lives in me, He also lives in you. And we can help each other see Him even more clearly. This time I don't just come with passion, I come trained and equipped to serve you. I have gifts to give you, beloved ones, and I can't wait to give them!

Oh, beloved continent, I've been waiting a long time to see you again. :)
and I'm overjoyed with anticipation!
See you soon!
Love,
Kati Rose

risks and dreams

WOW. I was going back through my blog, and I found this post saved as a draft....

and all I can say is, wow.

what a long way I have come.

what amazing healing has happened in my heart.

how amazing and faithful is my God!

This was originally written January 6, 2009:

Fear. it eats me alive some days. Surrounds me and then sneaks up in the darkness. Routinely in the evening it clamps its icy iron fingers around my heart. And then I am lost. paralysed. the actual event is momentary, but its chill lasts for some time. I just freeze. All logical thinking is gone. And all I know is that I am and that I hurt. The shock wears off and the numbness with it, and then as the rush of pain comes in like a flash flood. All I feel is alone.

As I lie in bed, waiting for sleep to come, sometimes I imagine going back to Uganda. My dreams come alive. I am there, safe and happy. Sharing Jesus with the world. with a family of my own. But it is always shattered by the sudden surge of fear. I will always be white. I will always stick out and thus be a target. Villages aren't safe, they are frequently raided and burned and those houses have no burglar bars. Houses can always be broken into, ambushes can come from anywhere. The words come from somewhere deep and dark.. a poisonous whisper, "You are not safe. You will be found. And no one will protect you. Everything will be stolen from you again. And it will be much worse than last time." Fear. Much more fear. Memories flash back. Adrenaline. PAIN. So much for sleep. again.

You see, that night I lost so much. And in all of it, my dreams are gone. Eaten up by fear. Long gone in the aftermath of the storm. Innocence and the much greater trust I had in my Father... gone. Shattered. the pieces seem to small even to be picked up.

But...

I went to Africa with an incorrect understanding of reality. In my mind the violence and pain was contained in the past. The hurts were very real and still lingering but I was going to be part of the healing. I never expected that the danger was still real. That violence still touches so much of everyday life. Whoops. The invincibility of youth, my own lack of understanding and my enthusiastic, effervescent hope and trust in the God of the Universe for transformation, as well as some whole life in Whatcom County innocence created a false perception of what it would really be like. But now I've experienced it. A small piece.

that orange dust will be forever in my soul.. the memories are so vivid. Which in most cases is a huge blessing. I can see it. taste it. feel it. And I long to go back. for the joy. the richness. the challenge. the scarcity. the beauty.

What I've come to see is this.. anything truly GOOD comes with risks. But it is also worth taking those risks.

Omnivores for Mediocrity...

so I have recently realized that after February 1st, I have no plans for this year.... except for the holidays on the calendar and a few weddings i've been invited to...

the funny thing is that every adult I have mentioned that to has responded in the following way "Are you quitting your job?!"

NO.

but to me, my job is not really a plan... it just is. And i am so thankful for it. I love it. And call me crazy, but I really don't believe that I am alive today just so that a company in Bellingham could have another receptionist. I don't believe that this is "what I was created for!" It is in a small part, but I dream of bigger things!

I believe that six months ago. I lived, because God still has work for me to accomplish.

Just because I don't have a specific word on what it is yet, doesn't make it void.

I believe that Christians in general dream too small.

I believe that North Americans dream too small.

A thought came to my mind this week: If FEAR was completely gone from my life, how would I live? what would I do? what would my dreams look like then?"

I believe that God has a plan.
a bigger one than I could imagine.
And if I just trust my Heavenly Father, instead of esoterically trying to pinpoint just how I can claim His promises, but rather TRUST based on how I KNOW Him, then GOOD things will come. Healing. LIfe. Growth. Explosion. Blooming. It will happen.

I don't want apathy to win.

I don't want to live a life of mediocrity.

It will take courage.

which I am still trying to find.

but slowly by slowly, it comes.

DREAM BIG!

In less time than it takes to win a million dollars..

well, it's January! I still can't believe it!! At this time in 25 days, I will be sitting in my seat on the plane at Sea-Tac! I was trying to think of what lasts 25 or even 24 days, and I can't really think of anything good. The Bible has a lot of 40's (the flood, wandering in the desert(which was in years..), Jesus' fast & tempting), Survivor is 39 days... so I suppose I could say: In less time than it takes to win a million dollars, I will be going to Africa! YAHOO!


So for those who are confused, or a little fuzzy on the details, let me refresh you! I fly out of Seattle on January 28th!( Which is, unfortunately, a Monday night. Oh well, but I know that as I am taking off there are people worshipping Jesus. Well, actually they will probably be playing Ultimate, but that can be worship too! ) I will be flying to Uganda to participate in a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) Hopeland (the name of the base). My DTS is a 5 month program. The first half is called Lecture Phase where we will have different speakers come from all over and teach us about things like hearing the voice of God, Intercession, The Holy Spirit, the Father Heart of God, etc. Then the second half called Outreach Phase is kind of like a giant mission trip for lack of a better phrase. We will be putting into practical application all the things we have been learning. This will have us traveling either to different parts of Uganda as well as perhaps Tanzania (a neighboring African country).



After DTS is over, June 29th, I will be staying in Uganda for another two months working with a lady named named Teresha Clark, working with a ministry of YWAM called Spring Of Hope. This ministry helps disabled children by educating their families and communities on how to care for them, as well as giving them a Biblical worldview of disabled children, reminding them that these children are precious in His sight, and He has a plan for their lives just as much as anyone else's (Jeremiah 29:11).


So for those of you keeping score at home, as my ticket stands, I will be flying out of Uganda Augst 27th and arriving back in Whatcom County August 28th!


YAHOOO! I can't wait!!