An...ti..ci...pa...tion.

I love airplanes. 

They take me to beautiful places and the waiting arms of my favorite people. They transport me across mountains, oceans, plains and valleys. And since my life is what it is, I'm usually in the state of aching for someone or somewhere or both. I spend my time off and my spare cash on plane tickets. Seriously. 

I also love the anticipation of planning a trip. 

Buying plane tickets? such a happy day. 

it's really happening! I have literally danced all over public places because I have purchased tickets. It's pure joy. It's worth every. single. penny.  (though I wouldn't mind if those tickets cost less pennies!) The real anticipation usually begins with a ticket purchase, though in some cases it starts long before that. But it builds. The ache of missing someone? The excitement of going home, or to a new place? There. For sure. But there's no complaints. I'm not sad or frustrated by the separation anymore. Because the reunion is in my sights! It's coming! So.. I wait. Sometimes, not very patiently. But.. it's worth it. And a few days (or even a week before) I get SO EXCITED I can barely sleep. When I lay my curly head down on that sweet pillow, the rush of anticipation floods my head and my heart. I have to calm myself down. Deep breaths. Think of something else. Anything. Eventually, I fall asleep. Oh, and the night before? Good luck. haha. I usually only get a few hours of sleep.. because I am so excited I can barely stand it. I can't stop smiling. :D I'm nearly jumping up and down. Sometimes I am jumping up and down. Because it's coming. Together again: two of the sweetest words in the English language. And, oh, glory, there is absolutely nothing like running across an airport into someone's arms. (Or frankly, any establishment whatsoever.) The running tackle hug of reunion is the BEST THING EVER. just about. Oh goodness. My heart is so full of joy just thinking of it! 

And yes, it is pure bliss. The best. THE BEST. oh… goodness. And yet, it's a shadow. It's a shadow of what is to come. The best reunion ever. The one we've waited our ENTIRE LIVES for. The ache, the one we carry around in our hearts… it will finally be filled. We will really be going home. Home, home. Not just some place we live. The place where we belong. It's His arms, we're flying to. It's Him we're running to. And oh, glory. It will be better than the best reunion on earth. No matter how many years you've waited for a plane ticket, for the airport run, (and I've waited years, sometimes) as perfectly sweet as that moment is, it's nothing compared with what is to come. 

And so, in this season of Advent, I'm waiting. And it's true, I'm waiting on a plane or two (hooray!!!) but even more than that, I'm waiting on my Saviour. I'm waiting… with the same breathless anticipation, because He's coming. He's coming to visit from worlds away, coming down to our home, and I'm waiting to welcome Him. My heart is aching.. I am longing for Him. I'm longing for Home. And, so, on Christmas Day, I get to celebrate His arrival. I won't be at airport, but I'm running to His arms.  

And so, for the next 22 days, I'm embracing the ache. The longing. the separation. the homesickness. Because it will end. He is coming! Hope is on the way. He is coming! 

Dusty Barren Land

Rain.
It is good for my soul.
I love it.
It feels like home.
It puts a smile on my face.
Yup, even in the perpetually rainy Pacific North West.

I love the sound of rain.
I love falling asleep to it. Or waking up to it.
I love hearing it on a metal roof.
I love a glorious torrential downpour.
I love the warm rain in Uganda.
I love that magical misty rain in WA.
And puddle jumping? OH SO MUCH FUN.
Especially in my cute polka dot rain boots!
And dancing in the rain? it's the best.

See, what's fantastic is that rain brings life. You can see it in the incredible green-ness of western WA.
And thus, lack of rain brings death. As I see daily in dry, dusty, drought-ravaged east Texas.
You see, here we haven't had enough rain in a looong time. Dead trees. Dead leaves. Dead Cows.

but do you know what else is utterly amazing about rain?
God says that is what His Word is like!
"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:10-11

Now, when it rains, things always get wet. Everything. The ground soaks up the water, the plants drink it, and everything turns lush and green and happy. Why? Because we need water to have life!

Do you know what else is true? We need God's word to have life! We need Him, desperately. He is our love, He is our life, He is our Lord. Without Him we are dead. And so, when I don't have enough of Him in my life, when I am not spending enough time soaking up in His word, I start to see dead patches in my heart. The leaves turn brown, the grass gets crunchy, and I start to look and feel haggard. God's word brings me life, it reveals to me more of what He is like, so I can fall more and more in love with God and know HIm better and better. Which the Bible says is life in John 17:3.

Also, God says His word is like snow.
Snow inspires wonder. It makes us giddy with delight.
We love snow. We sing songs about it. We pray for it at Christmas. We make paper cut-outs of it and tape them to our windows.
God's word is like that too.
It should inspire wonder. not just at the words, but at the Speaker, Himself.
Seeing who God is, hearing what He's done, and how much He loves us, should make us giddy with delight.
In Psalm 119:103 it is declared that God's words are sweeter than honey!
I want a love like this. I want to love God and His word this way.
It's not always easy.
Believe me, when reading the Bible is your homework, it can sometimes be difficult to engage your heart.
I want to declare that I love you, Lord, and this love is worth the work and the fight and the everyday ordinary moments.
So...
"Let it rain, let it pour, what we have is worth fighting for!"

camping out

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see." -NET

a verse I've read, heard, studied, quoted, and preached thousands of times. A verse I need to camp out in again.

sure of what I hope for.
what do I hope for?
I hope for a good future.
I hope for a deeper relationship with God.
I hope to be used for His kingdom and His glory.
I hope for Africa.
I hope for restoration.
I hope for fruit from the ashes.
I hope for healing.
I hope that He is enough.
I hope that His promises are true.
I hope for justice.
I hope for grace.
I hope for deep, lasting relationships.
I hope for a best friend I don't have to say goodbye to.
l hope for adventure.
I hope for plane tickets.

Certain of what I do not see.
the reality of the unseen God.
the immortal invisible unending God.
the all powerful all sustaining gracious Lover of my soul.
certain that He is.
certain that He is all I need.
certain that He is faithful. Even when I am faithless.
certain that I can trust Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my physical life.
certain that the above statement sounds ridiculous. oh, Father, help my unbelief.
certain that He sees the injustice and hears the cries of the broken hearts of an entire continent. certain that He has a good plan for ALL of His beautiful children.
certain that my heart has only hit the beginning of feeling how He feels and loving how He loves.
certain that He makes all things new.
certain that He works all things together for my good.
certain that my definition of good has to be redefined to not necessarily include the words safe, easy and comfortable.
certain that loving is never wasted.
certain that change is always a part of my life.
certain that some relationships are only for a season. certain that this fact doesn't make them any less valid or worthy of my time, heart, attention or resources.
certain that I am worth more than many sparrows, and all my needs shall be supplied.
certain that He knows the deepest desires of my heart.
certain that I need more faith.
certain that if I ask, He'll grow it in me.
:)

Season-ing

SEASON:

noun-

1) a period of time usually characterized by the changing of the environment as time passes, as in Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter

verb-

1) to add flavor to or enhance the natural flavor of food, as with salt, herbs or other spices

2) to prepare or make ready for use, as in preparing a grill for cooking, or adjusting the moisture content of firewood for burning

welcome to the new season of my life. Which previously I had only ever thought of as the first definition of changing times. And then, one morning this week I was awoken by a picture of raw chicken (which I have spent quite a bit of quality time with this week, cooking supper) being seasoned. And the gentle reminder that season was also a verb. Eagerly, I got out my Bible, and my dictionary and my laptop and started searching all the possible meanings of "season". I found more than what I listed, but these are the ones that best apply.

I even looked up just how one would go about seasoning a grill. What I discovered is that it involves turning up the heat and scraping off all of the junk that has gotten baked on and then reapplying a new, protective coating of oil. Well, for a grill that sounds dandy. For my heart, it's not always a walk in the park. But it is a fantastic picture of what this new season is in my life. And just as we are learning in class, it is much easier to get excited and really delve into what you are learning when you have a picture of the destination, the seasoning metaphor gives me hope as to where we are going in this time. The scraping off isn't the be all end all of this time, it is only the beginning and totally necessary to lay a good foundation.

Seasoning is also about adding flavor. If for example, I was a raw piece of meat, I've been marinated and seasoned by all sorts of things. I love that God is a master chef and He knows exactly what combination of seasoning leads to the perfect flavor He's trying to create. And so, while some of them by themselves are awful, vinegar for example, when layered all together, it creates the perfect effect. Thank goodness, I am not in fact, a piece of meat, but I am person, made in the image of God! So how much more is God concerned with my character. He there is a goal He has for the kind of person I am to be, and He knows there are certain character traits He wants to develop in me. grill seasoning instructions can be found here.

All in all to say, that it this time here so far hasn't always been easy or fun, but I have been given the gift of a new season. And I want to embrace it. Don't get me wrong, there have been lots of FANTASTIC times here as well, not all the seasonings God uses are bitter, some are sweet! It's a beautiful blend of joys and trials, challenges, and growth. And oh, how I can't wait to taste what God has in store for this season of time. It's going to be incredible.

"All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship." - Hillsong United "Desert Song" (which you can listen to here. and you should because it is amazing!

*Disclaimer: I heart metaphors a LOT. So I get a bit carried away with them. So I'm sorry If I went a bit overboard here. *

outrageous love

nothing can change how God feels about me.

He will always love me.

far more than I can fathom or deserve.

He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because that is what He is like.

it does not matter how I feel about myself.

nor what other people think/say/conclude.

He is so much bigger than that.

His love is relentless.

He will pursue me all the days of my life.

even when I fail at loving Him back.

and even that doesn't change His love for me.

He says that simply because I exist, because He made me, I have value to Him.

no one else can change that value or mark me down.

even if everyone else decides that I am not worth defending.

He died for me.

and now He wants to make me pure and holy and more like Him.

and He's committed to that.

no matter how many times my flesh raises a rebellion

He will see it through.

because He loves me.

because He loves me,

He has prepared work for me to do.

something He created me for.

because He loves me.

because He loves me,

there is one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

but because He loves me, He won't let him win.

He will stand and defend me.

because He loves me.

He will never fail.

ever.

not once.

not partially.

HE WILL NEVER FAIL.

Beloved

"Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need

Give me your life

The lust and the lies

The past you're afraid I might see

You've been running away from me

You're my beloved

Lover, I'm yours

Death shall not part us

It's you I died for

For better or worse

Forever we'll be

Our love it unites us

It binds you to me

it's a mystery

Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need

I'm the giver of life

I'll clothe you in white

My immaculate bride you will be

Oh come running home to me

You've been a mistress, my wife

Chasing lovers - it won't satisfy

Won't you let me make you my bride

You will drink of my lips

And you'll taste new life"

-Beloved by Tenth Avenue North