Hunger

I'm hungry.
I'm fasting and I'm hungry.
(I know, one isn't supposed to talk about fasting whilst fasting, but... )
I've officially hit 24 hours without food, and my tummy is RUMBLING.
I am hungry.
Yes, I am hungry for food.
But also for so much more...
I am hungry for a better life.
A life abundant.
A life where Perfect Love casts out all of my fear.
A life where I am mindful
        -of time
         -of money
         -of food
         -of other people's hearts
         -of my own heart
         -of God's heart
A life of deep relationship with Jesus, where my ache to be known overcomes my fear of being known,  where my hunger to know Him more and more is continually fed and fueled.
A life of wholeness.

I'm hungry for depth, connections, purpose, focus, and rhythm. I'm hungry for roots and wings.

Everything I'm hungry for is something I deeply ache for, and yet am terrified of. And so far, that fear has kept me paralyzed. I procrastinate. I put it on the back burner. I am too busy. I'll face it when I absolutely have to. Well, I'm running out of excuses. I'm not too busy anymore. And these are choices staring me in the face. It's time to stop running. It's time to face my fears. And so far this fast has shown me it's possible.
So, I'm hungry and I'm scared, but that's what it takes sometimes.
Here's to growth. Here's to change. Here's to 2013 and the marvelous mystery it holds.
Most of all, here's to the One who holds it all, in Whom my fearing heart can safely trust.

An...ti..ci...pa...tion.

I love airplanes. 

They take me to beautiful places and the waiting arms of my favorite people. They transport me across mountains, oceans, plains and valleys. And since my life is what it is, I'm usually in the state of aching for someone or somewhere or both. I spend my time off and my spare cash on plane tickets. Seriously. 

I also love the anticipation of planning a trip. 

Buying plane tickets? such a happy day. 

it's really happening! I have literally danced all over public places because I have purchased tickets. It's pure joy. It's worth every. single. penny.  (though I wouldn't mind if those tickets cost less pennies!) The real anticipation usually begins with a ticket purchase, though in some cases it starts long before that. But it builds. The ache of missing someone? The excitement of going home, or to a new place? There. For sure. But there's no complaints. I'm not sad or frustrated by the separation anymore. Because the reunion is in my sights! It's coming! So.. I wait. Sometimes, not very patiently. But.. it's worth it. And a few days (or even a week before) I get SO EXCITED I can barely sleep. When I lay my curly head down on that sweet pillow, the rush of anticipation floods my head and my heart. I have to calm myself down. Deep breaths. Think of something else. Anything. Eventually, I fall asleep. Oh, and the night before? Good luck. haha. I usually only get a few hours of sleep.. because I am so excited I can barely stand it. I can't stop smiling. :D I'm nearly jumping up and down. Sometimes I am jumping up and down. Because it's coming. Together again: two of the sweetest words in the English language. And, oh, glory, there is absolutely nothing like running across an airport into someone's arms. (Or frankly, any establishment whatsoever.) The running tackle hug of reunion is the BEST THING EVER. just about. Oh goodness. My heart is so full of joy just thinking of it! 

And yes, it is pure bliss. The best. THE BEST. oh… goodness. And yet, it's a shadow. It's a shadow of what is to come. The best reunion ever. The one we've waited our ENTIRE LIVES for. The ache, the one we carry around in our hearts… it will finally be filled. We will really be going home. Home, home. Not just some place we live. The place where we belong. It's His arms, we're flying to. It's Him we're running to. And oh, glory. It will be better than the best reunion on earth. No matter how many years you've waited for a plane ticket, for the airport run, (and I've waited years, sometimes) as perfectly sweet as that moment is, it's nothing compared with what is to come. 

And so, in this season of Advent, I'm waiting. And it's true, I'm waiting on a plane or two (hooray!!!) but even more than that, I'm waiting on my Saviour. I'm waiting… with the same breathless anticipation, because He's coming. He's coming to visit from worlds away, coming down to our home, and I'm waiting to welcome Him. My heart is aching.. I am longing for Him. I'm longing for Home. And, so, on Christmas Day, I get to celebrate His arrival. I won't be at airport, but I'm running to His arms.  

And so, for the next 22 days, I'm embracing the ache. The longing. the separation. the homesickness. Because it will end. He is coming! Hope is on the way. He is coming! 

today's lessons

Today...
we're eating waffles.
we're trusting Jesus.
we're learning how to not throw fits when we don't get our way.

What are you learning today?

All I Need.

Today I want..
to eat chicken and N'shima. to dance like a crazy woman in church. to wear a chitenga. to wander dusty paths to random villages full of beautiful. broken, and precious people. I want to catch a taxi to town and be crammed in with strangers and chickens and things like what and so. I want to drink a Stoney and pay for it with Kwacha. I want to greet everyone with "Muli bwange? Bweno! Muli bwange?" I want to drink tea three times a day. I want the day to end with a brilliant orange sunset that fades into a night of a million stars.

I want to study and teach. and study and teach. and study and teach. I want to teach old people. I want to teach teenagers. I want to teach moms & dads. I want to teach kiddos. I want to teach them about Jesus. I want a classroom full of kids with a chalkboard and dusty floors and open, expectant hearts. I want a dozen or two smiling faces with checked shirts, trousers and skirts. I want to teach them about Jesus, yes, but also about the water cycle, and phonics, and multiplication tables, and germs and John Locke. I want them to learn how to read and write in the language that they think in. And in a language they can use for opportunities far beyond their village. I want to love them deeply. To know their names and their stories. To pray for them. To cry with and for them. To know their dreams. To laugh at their silliness. To challenge them. To see them the way Jesus does. To love them with His everlasting, unfailing love.

this is what I want.

but today...
I have a different gift.

today I have Texas.
I have black pants, black collared shirt, black socks, black shoes, green apron. I have pumpkin spice lattes. I have upside down caramel macchiatos. I have Walter. I have a Bible on my phone, a journal in my hand, and my heart open and listening. I have a family with potty-training, WALL-E, and Bible sing-along songs. I have a stinky, but lovable dog who sometimes leaves "presents" on my rug. I have a   gracious couple who have discipled and nurtured me and done whatever they can to help accomplish God's call in my life, even if that means letting me live with them. I have kiff music on my ipod. I have a meeting with ladies who keep the admin of our local church flowing. I have a Natelet coming into the world, and a friend who needs help sorting and preparing for his arrival. I have Arepas. I have a city that is really mine to live in, and love on, and embrace fully. I have a local church who knows how to do community, and a vision and a passion for the global church. I have the promise of one more fall-ish day in the forecast. And I have the confidence that this, here, and now, is exactly the precise place on this planet I am supposed to be.
which is all I need.

so, Africa-dreams, will have to find their little home in my heart and settle there once more, waiting patiently until it's time to fly again. :)

Challenge Accepted.

In my wanderings of the internet, I've found this. 
And I'm stoked. 

I just found it, so I'm starting today. 

I did my first read through this morning. 

And boy, did it kick my butt.
I've got a long way to go between what I see in my life and what I read on the page.  

Here's to a month of learning to think like Jesus. 

Of bringing my life into line with the Gospel. 

of "seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.." 

Ahhh, so excited! 

Wanna join me? 

grab your Bible and start today! 

Exposed

it all began late last Wednesday night.
I had stayed up too late watching too many episodes of Parks & Recreation.
I was heading to sleep, but decided to just give FB a once over. I was scrolling through the newsfeed seeing the usual, exciting things happening in lives of friends near and far, a picture of someone's lunch, a political post (or seven), a few pics of adorable children, and some inspiring Bible verses, when something caught my eye. And as I read it, my stomach dropped to my toes and has been there ever since. This terrible feeling began to rise and caught in my throat. A friend had posted that now all of the sudden, FB had taken once private messages between people and had made them public by publishing them to people's "walls".

Panic flooded me.

Ever since I had joined YWAM and began my crazy travels around the world, FB had become my primary form of communication. It was the easiest way to stay in touch with my friends all over the globe. This is the problem with having friends close to your heart but not close to your geography means that messages that spill your heart pour out though the keys and fly off to their destination digitally. Which meant....

I realized that some of my deepest secrets, my greatest fears, and the affections of my heart toward several boys over the past few years may, in fact, be visible to "the whole world" or 617 of my closest "friends".  I felt like I was totally exposed. Everything. My past. my present. All right there in plain view.

Immediately, I clicked on to my profile and began scanning. 2012? nope. 11? nope. 2010? oh... yeah..  yikes. 2009? Even more yikes. 2008? YIKES.  I followed the steps recommended by the poster to hide these messages. And then I began the journey over to close friends' pages. The same thing. More than an hour later, the panic still hadn't left me. That yucky adrenaline feeling was still in the pit of my stomach. I have to get rid of these posts!  I was exhausted, so I resolved that in the morning I'd write to all these friends, some of whom I'm on kind of shaky ground with now, and ask them to please do the same and hide these posts. Defeated, I closed my laptop and finally switched off the light.

But I couldn't sleep.
I still felt totally exposed.
my head wouldn't stop reeling.

so I picked up my phone. and after a quick check of timezones, I sent off a text. I knew this friend had a lot of personal FB messages as well. The reply I received mirrored my own terror. Friend was in class and asked me to check their own page to survey the damage. It was similar to mine. Some of the panic was relieved. We conversed about how terrible it was of FB to do such a thing. And then we decided to delete all of the messages we had exchanged. It was just too risky. Finally, I drifted off into a fitful sleep.
I was hoping I'd feel relief in the morning. I didn't.
Eventually, I found the words, and posted a status warning other friends about what had happened. They all found private messages posted to their walls. Ugh.
Exposed.
for the whole world to see.
And then.. in the course of the morning, a friend found this article where FB says they were all just old wall posts, and suggests that people may have been more forthcoming in "public" posts as the whole FB community felt (and actually was) much smaller. I'm not sure I believe all of it, (There are several posts I swear used to be in private messages, and other things I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have posted to a friend's wall.. but.. )

the whole debacle made me think. a lot.
How would I respond if every single "private" message I had ever written were suddenly made public?
what would the fallout look like?
how would I deal with everyone knowing and reading the details of the depths of my struggles of some of the most difficult seasons of my life? Would the ugliness of my brokenness be too great?
What have I said about people, friends even, when I thought they weren't listening?
Have I always spoken in love?
Aside from the personal aspect, I want to make sure I'm speaking, writing, texting, and in all ways, conversing in love and respect, that if suddenly all my conversations were there for all the world to see, I'd have nothing to be ashamed of.
how about you?

Apparently, God Answers Prayer.

So I was going through some of my old journals this afternoon.
I found this entry from February 2006, when I was 16 and a Junior in high school. I actually remember sitting in my old silver Volvo in the parking lot at Whatcom writing this... but little did I know what God was doing... 

2/13/06
Daddy, I've never had an overwhelming passion for Africa. I never really felt called or wanted to go there. But ever since that night You've started a fire in my heart. I want to make a difference there.  When I found out today that every day 6500 Africans of AIDS and 9500 contract it! How many of those 6500 don't know You? And how many of those 9500 will be part of tomorrow's 6500? Or next week? Or next year? And who will save them? Who will share Your hope with them? I hope it will be me! "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'' - Isaiah 6:8.
Daddy, let Your consuming fire burn in me!  Deepen my brokenheartedness for the people of Africa, give me a broken-hearted love for them. Help me to love them like You do. Help me to love the fatherless and the orphans and the widows. Open up a road that I might take...
I lift up this continent to You. I pray for unity among all of the countries. I ask for healing in the AIDS epidemic. I also ask for the nation of South Africa. God, show Your healing hands and loving heart there. Send people to answer Your call. Provide doctors and nurses and teachers of Your word. Fill this nation with Your glory.  "But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted perish." - Psalm 9:18. "You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." - Psalm 10:17-18. 

I love it! I cannot help but just sit here and laugh, grinning from ear to ear. Boy, did God answer those prayers!!! And how about that crazy prayer for South Africa? I didn't know pretty much anything about that country. I had gotten a magazine from Global Expeditions, a ministry of Teen Mania (who I now happen to be about 30 minutes away from in Texas. haha!) and had cut out all the countries they had trips for and glued them one by one in my journal, so that I'd pray for some nations. And yet...  how perfect was it that South Africa was in the right place in that journal. And how I'm even seeing that prayer answered. I just spent time with many friends who answering that prayer. Exactly one month ago today, I was sitting in class at UCT with 200 people who are studying to be doctors in South Africa! This is ridiculous. How amazing is God?!

So, the moral of the story is this... God answers prayer. He is faithful. And His timing? Incredibly perfect. The passion He's put in your heart? It's there for a reason, and if you commit it to Him and ask Him to grow it, He will. It may take a long time before you see it come to fruition, but, man oh man, when it comes...  you'll be blown out of the water!

I dream of... butternut squash?

Sometimes dreams are like planting daisy seeds and instead growing butternut squash.
Not what you expected.
Takes some getting used to.
but the jarring aside...
butternut is better for your body and your soul.
(just a mission to peel.)
Daisies fuel insecurities
as the petals fall
one
by
one
to the grass that's greener on the other side.
sowing seeds of discontentment instead of songs of joy.

meanwhile,
you're in the kitchen (with Dinah?)
peeling butternut
all your emotions wrapped up in one action
the battle begins: steel against skin
 thwip, thwip, thwip
the squash (not so aptly named) refuses to be vanquished.
more effort. stronger will.
refusing to be appealing the squash slips off your hand and into the trash.
defeated, you pluck it from the pile of more obliging vegetable peelings,
rinse it off,
and begin again.
the slick surface of the squash meets the force of the blade and immediately
slips again.
rinse.
thwip, thwip, thw- slip. rinse. again.
with each rescue form the rubbish the tears begin to rise.
frustration.
near cursing.
WHO DREAMS LIKE THIS?!
tears.
keep going.
the question remains.
Slip. Plunk. ARGH! Trickle. Sniff. Thwip, thwip, thwip...
keep going.
Finally.
it. is. finished!!
glance back at the counter behind.
FIVE MORE.
heart sinks to toes.
reach for the next  (MOT)
Thwip, thwip, thw-slip. plunk.
FIST OF RAGE.
rinse. begin again.
somehow...
the end is reached.
three steps forward, four steps back.
ten steps forward, three steps back.
battle is won, but war is not over.
CHOPPING.
strength. steel. balance.
thwack, thwack, thwack.
the squash rolls.
steady.
when arms ache from chopping squash... the war is over.
into the pot.
plunk. plunk. plunk.
wearily, retire to a stool and wait.
stir occasionally.
hope rises.
wait.
sprinkle a dash of salt.
stir.
TASTE.
result?
HALLELUJAH CHORUS!
best butternut soup you've ever tasted.
Served?
At the feast where the King dines with His children
and every beggar, orphan, and widow is invited with open arms.
songs of joy resound.
warmth of love and soup fills soul and body.
the question returns.
WHO DREAMS LIKE THIS?!
"ahh, it is simple," my soul replies
"my Father."

As the Good Book says, "Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy." - Psalm 126:5

{Thanks to: Savana, who taught me to cook, inspired me to dream, and made me peel butternut squash. Jessica, whose love for Jesus, butternut and ZA, has blessed me more than words. Laura from Cape Town, who made me the most kiff butternut soup on the planet. YUM.}

Greetings from Zambia!!!

Hello from Zambia!!
Things have been fantastic thus far.
I arrived here late Wednesday night. And the rest of my team arrived Thursday & Friday. (There are 4 of us)
It has been an absolute blast. My heart is so happy to be back on African soil. It's so amazing how this all feels so familiar and comforting to me. The sights, sounds and smells. I was wondering how similar Zambia would be to Uganda. And thus far it seems like the difference between the US and Canada. On the surface, many things look the same, and yet as you sink deeper, the cultural differences come out.
Zambia is economically and politically very stable and growing. There are a lot of well to do people here, and the middle class definitely appears. Many people have smart phones (which are really expensive)  and the prices of some goods are quite comprable to US prices. There are many nice cars around and fancy shops (the mall is HUGE and is fancier than many malls I've been to in the US).  Crime rates are lower here than in Uganda, and you can just feel the difference as you are out and about as a foreigner.
Many things though are very similar. We still have regular power cuts here (3 nights weekly), we still eat Posho (though here it is called Sheema) :(  church is still loud and crazy and full of dancing and singing and sound systems entirely too large for such small buildings. But, oh how I love it.  Today we visited the youth group of a church in a village called Roma. We were supposed to just come and meet the people, but of course the pastor wanted us to preach. We were unprepared, but God gave us all a short word, and it turned out well. We then had a fellowship time with the youth. They were so much fun. I met with some girls, most of whom were about 15-16, and we talked. They played with my hair (because it was so different than theirs) and it of course turned into a giant frizz ball. haha.  They taught me some phrases in the local language (there are several common ones here, and at the moment I can't remember the name of the one that is most common) and then they decided it was time I learned some African dances. OH MY GOODNESS. It was hilarious. We laughed and laughed and I did my best to dance. These girls were amazing dancers. And I had fun trying. haha.  Corey and Rachel played with the kids who showed up, and Brandon spent time talking with the guys. We all had a blast.  We're going back tomorrow and I am so excited to see these precious girls again. We all hugged and laughed and didn't want to be parted.

Next week (as far as the plan now stands.. hahaha)  we'll be working in a nearby village called Gripps, doing lots of teaching. Monday & Tuesday are national holidays here, so those days we'll have lots of teaching opportunities in the village. We are hoping to set up a discipleship program in the village. One of the organizations we are working with here (Grassroots International) does tons of community development programs in the village. They run a school for ages K-8, have adult basic education courses,  run a program of animal husbandry, sponsor students in secondary school, have installed boreholes (wells for clean water), have a tailoring program, and are about to start a carpentry program. Life in Gripps is definitely improving. And yet... something is still missing. The community & NGO leaders recognize that changing external circumstances does make a difference, but until a person changes the way they think, they will always be trapped in a poverty mentality. So, this is no small task we are undertaking. Please pray for us!

Also, we've been joined by a girl named Lydia. She is from PA and was part of a team that was just here for two weeks. She'll be joining us in ministry and she's a lot of fun to have around.

Prayer Requests:
-Teaching!! We need to hear from God what to teach, and how to teach it.
- Health & physical protection (right now we're all fine, but these things always tend to crop up)
-Cultural adaptation. We want to be able to navigate the culture well, and build awesome relationships. With teaching this can be a very tricky area, so please pray for wisdom.
-Finances. We're a little short on what we need still.

*Hopefully we'll get some pictures up soon.

Thanks!!

I Can't Wait

The journey of planning this trip has been ridiculous. So many ups and downs, so many twists and turns. Our current focus has by necessity been fundraising, which can be really difficult. And with a to-do list that is a mile long, as I am still in school that's going full swing, things have been pretty crazy.

Tonight, in an effort to focus my heart,  I was browsing some Zambia pictures and this one jumped out at me:

I caught sight of the sign. Shop Rite. oh joy of all joys. I was overcome with an ecstatic joy that soon I'd be in Shop Rite again. (There is one in Kampala I got to visit several times and it was like a magical wonderland. It's just a normal grocery store.. but when you've been living in a smaller town with only supermarkets, it's overwhelming.)

And then I was flooded with reminders. And I just can't wait.

I'm excited to hear Mzungu! Mzungu! everywhere I go (Or perhaps a different word for white person. I'll find out quickly I'm sure. haha)  I can't wait for crowded taxi rides, eating chapatis, and MTN signs everywhere. I want to buy some Omo washing powder to wash my clothes with (it smells the best for sure!) I'm excited for the ever-changing plans and the steady rhythm of the Zambian day, run more by relationships and less by the clock. Bring on the mozzy nets, the squatty potties, and the Ugali (Posho). Oh my heart is leaping at all of these things. I cannot wait. Fresh pineapples, mangos, and passion fruit. YUM. People whose hearts are huge and smiles are as big and warm as the sun. Jajas wrapped in their colorful clothes. Goats. Chickens on the taxi. Having a million reasons to shrug it off with "T.I.A!" Life in the bush bush. I cannot wait.

And yet, these memories are all from far away lands. Zambia will be similar to Uganda in many respects. And yet, I cannot wait to see the differences. Zambia, I cannot wait to meet you. To learn your phrases, names, places, sights and sounds. I'm excited to meet your people, hear your stories, and sing your songs.

Then there's South Africa. Ahhh. Words fail me. I seriously can't even wait. Dear ZA, I've been dreaming of you for more than four full years now. I've heard so much about you, I've basically already fallen in love with you, I can't wait to meet you for real. The anticipation? Be still my heart. I just might jump out of my skin. :D

My first trip to the beloved continent found me an 18 year old, bright eyed optimist ready to change the world for Jesus. I had great intentions but was so clueless as to where I was really going. Not only that, passion & good intentions will only get you so far. This time, I'm 23 and I definitely don't even remotely have it figured out. I've realized that while Jesus lives in me, He also lives in you. And we can help each other see Him even more clearly. This time I don't just come with passion, I come trained and equipped to serve you. I have gifts to give you, beloved ones, and I can't wait to give them!

Oh, beloved continent, I've been waiting a long time to see you again. :)
and I'm overjoyed with anticipation!
See you soon!
Love,
Kati Rose

Winning.

Today was a day of winning.

FINALLY.

As a first year teacher, teaching a subject I didn't even know before I started (8th Grade Latin?!)
it's been a rough year. I've been chained to my book. Students would ask me if they had done a translation right and I would have no idea. I'd have to look up the answers. It was hard.  I made mistakes all the time. We were learning together and I was only one step ahead of them, if that, most of the time. And yet, slowly by slowly, I have been getting better. My understanding of the subject has grown. (And amazingly, so has theirs!)  So today was full of winning. I  was book free. I only has to check one answer, and it turns out I was right all along. Today I could look at the sentences my students were translating, and I could translate them in my head! I could tell them they were right, or wrong. And the amazing thing is that they are getting it too! Some students have done great all year long, while others have REALLY struggled. And today, in another big "win" of a moment, one of my students who had struggled all year, asked me to check a sentence he had translated, and it was PERFECT! He did it right, on his own, on his first try. And it was a little bit tricky. I was SO proud! They are getting it! It makes my teacher heart so happy! Granted, this is super basic Latin, but this is an incredible victory for all of us. Joy, oh joy! Not to mention, today was Friday, and a beautiful "spring" day. Oh, goodness, I've been in Texas too long, this is summer weather in WA for sure. So, today I am celebrating the goodness of God and His grace to us.

So, this is me, and this is what I do. 

My name is Miss Johnston, and I am an 8th Grade Latin Teacher, who, by the grace of God, wins.

Dusty Barren Land

Rain.
It is good for my soul.
I love it.
It feels like home.
It puts a smile on my face.
Yup, even in the perpetually rainy Pacific North West.

I love the sound of rain.
I love falling asleep to it. Or waking up to it.
I love hearing it on a metal roof.
I love a glorious torrential downpour.
I love the warm rain in Uganda.
I love that magical misty rain in WA.
And puddle jumping? OH SO MUCH FUN.
Especially in my cute polka dot rain boots!
And dancing in the rain? it's the best.

See, what's fantastic is that rain brings life. You can see it in the incredible green-ness of western WA.
And thus, lack of rain brings death. As I see daily in dry, dusty, drought-ravaged east Texas.
You see, here we haven't had enough rain in a looong time. Dead trees. Dead leaves. Dead Cows.

but do you know what else is utterly amazing about rain?
God says that is what His Word is like!
"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:10-11

Now, when it rains, things always get wet. Everything. The ground soaks up the water, the plants drink it, and everything turns lush and green and happy. Why? Because we need water to have life!

Do you know what else is true? We need God's word to have life! We need Him, desperately. He is our love, He is our life, He is our Lord. Without Him we are dead. And so, when I don't have enough of Him in my life, when I am not spending enough time soaking up in His word, I start to see dead patches in my heart. The leaves turn brown, the grass gets crunchy, and I start to look and feel haggard. God's word brings me life, it reveals to me more of what He is like, so I can fall more and more in love with God and know HIm better and better. Which the Bible says is life in John 17:3.

Also, God says His word is like snow.
Snow inspires wonder. It makes us giddy with delight.
We love snow. We sing songs about it. We pray for it at Christmas. We make paper cut-outs of it and tape them to our windows.
God's word is like that too.
It should inspire wonder. not just at the words, but at the Speaker, Himself.
Seeing who God is, hearing what He's done, and how much He loves us, should make us giddy with delight.
In Psalm 119:103 it is declared that God's words are sweeter than honey!
I want a love like this. I want to love God and His word this way.
It's not always easy.
Believe me, when reading the Bible is your homework, it can sometimes be difficult to engage your heart.
I want to declare that I love you, Lord, and this love is worth the work and the fight and the everyday ordinary moments.
So...
"Let it rain, let it pour, what we have is worth fighting for!"

Constant.

This was one of my homework questions today. And I was overwhelmed by it. So I thought I'd share my answer.

48. Discuss the interaction you've had with the providence and sovereignty of God in your life. How has God directed you, how have you responded? If you feel you screwed it up do you believe God is creative enough to use it in the best way?

My lanta. Uhh.. I wasn’t aware you wanted us to write an autobiography for a homework question. ☺
Welcome to my life. God’s providence and sovereignty? Constant. Everywhere. In Everything. In the face of the darkest darkness I could ever imagine? Absolutely.

Honestly, I could write for hours, hundreds of pages. God is faithful; He never abandons me. I could talk for hours about everything I have seen God do in my life. Just thinking about it is moving me to tears. He is so good.

I have seen God’s providence in the little things, like cars.
I have seen His providence in the big things like family and guiding me all over the world.
I have seen it in terrible tragedy.
I have seen it in glorious joy.
I have seen the providence of God in more incredible friendships than I can number.
I have seen it in financial provision, in His comfort on a rainy night.
I have seen it in the moon and the stars and felt in the joy of a smile that just can’t stop, a heart that is overflowing with joy that moves me to do happy dances all over the place, and the kind of laughter that you just can’t stop, and leaves you with sore abs afterwards.
I’ve seen it in a taxi that came along in the middle of a monsoon on a random dirt back road in the middle of a Ugandan village.
I’ve seen it in a kindergarten class in a small Christian school in East Texas that once terrified me, who ended up stealing my heart.
I’ve seen it everywhere: in my life, in the lives of friends & family, in the lives of random strangers.
All in all, I can say this: God’s providence is constant.

up to date!

Oh me, oh my.
Once again, I have completely neglected this blog.
My apologies.
Life has been crazy. If I ever thought it was crazy before, I had no idea!
Let's see...
I am 3 days and 1 exam away from being a Latin teacher for an entire semester.

Some of my students performing a skit in Latin. It's about beards. :)

Which is crazy. I am so stretched and challenged in more ways than I could ever imagine, every single day in the classroom. It is a time for me to learn grace, to learn to lean on God, and to walk humbly before everyone, including my students. I feel like I am constantly making mistakes, some with the actual language work, and some with the teaching, which is hard. However, I am definitely learning 1,000 ways NOT to teach Latin, as well as few ways to actually teach Latin. I do have some consolation in that my students actually know more Latin than they did at the beginning of the year, so we are actually learning! Yippee!

Last month I went on a week-long pastoral outreach in Michigan!

Jess & I at an amazing coffee shop called Lemonjello! :D
It was amazing. I got to visit my lovely lovely friend Jessica and work with her church. Having been on staff at a similar-size church previously, it was very cool to see how another church did things. I learned a lot and got to work with amazing people! And on either end of this outreach, I got to stop in Chicago and spend time with my wonderful friend Brian who is attending school at Wheaton College. The whole thing was amazingly divinely orchestrated and filled my soul to the full. Oh, it was glorious. :D


Brian & I at the Bean in Chicago!

School of the Bible itself has been great. We have excellent teaching and I am learning to see God in a whole new way. He is so incredibly gracious and loving and kind.
Last week and this week we've been tackling the Nature of God, which primarily has had to do with God's foreknowledge. It's intense to say the least. We've been examining different views of what it means that God is all-knowing and the implications of each view. My brain hurts constantly. But it's been a time to really ask the hard questions and find out if my thinking lines up with what the Bible expresses on the issue.
Looking Ahead:

OUTREACH!
We've got two more outreaches in this school! And I am excited for both of them.

THe next one is coming in March. We'll spend a week doing teachings and working with local ministries.
We were just presented with location options yesterday, so I am still praying through them.
our choices?
-Houston, TX
-Florida
-Mexico

And... our main outreach in July?

I am going to ZAMBIA! That's right, folks, my return to Africa is imminent!
:D
Also, I am tacking on a 2.5 week trip to South Africa to visit a friend and check out ministry opportunities.
Hooray!!
So.. I'll be spending 6.5 weeks in Africa this summer. Woot Woot!

And...
We'll be doing the Proverbs Project
which is a scientific inductive study of the book of Proverbs.
Before Christmas break.
Oh my.
I am excited.
It will be crazy.
But I know I am going to learn heaps!

Hooray! Christmas Break! I CANNOT WAIT to come home to the glorious PNW and see my wonderful family and friends. :D

A Tail of Two Goats

We were given an assignment to tell the events of Leviticus 16 (The Day of Atonement) in story form.

Behold, I give you:
A Tail of Two Goats By John Martindale, Rachel Kelley, & KatiRose Johnston
*Note: this story may be a bit irreverent at times, but we believe in a God who laughs :)

Once upon a time, in a land sort of far away, there lived two goats: Mahli and Mushi. These were no ordinary goats, pecked at by chickens or chased by the dogs, they were pampered goats, who oft lunched on their master Aaron’s linen underwear.



Mahli & Mushi were not the only animals of the house; they had a good friend, Bartholomew the bull. He loved to eat grass, swat flies with his tail, and in his eyes there dwelt a certain type of rage and fire, more blazing than Bob the other Bull. One day Mahli & Mushi observed something most disconcerting: their master came out, quite in a tizzy, and took Bartholomew the bull away. They heard him murmur under his breath, “Lest I become BBQ, like my sons became BBQ, I will take the bull instead of me.”



Many minutes passed restlessly, until Aaron, their master, returned. Bartholomew was nowhere to be seen, and Aaron’s previously spotless white garments were stained a shocking shade of crimson. Suddenly, Mahli had an epiphany. He turned to Mushi and eloquently waxed: “Roses are red, violets are blue, our master came home without Bartholomew.” Mushi responded, “What could this mean? What did he do? Could this be the end of me and you?” Then Aaron walked to the corner of house, and away scampered a scared little mouse. With one fell swoop he grabbed the dice. The goats mused, “this could be nice. Perhaps, this could mean games and fun.” But his face turned solemn and he said, “My dear little goats, come.“ 


He lead them to the Tent of Meeting where scared little sheep could be heard bleating. And he took up the dice in his hand, and let them fall into the sand. As they fell, and he saw them lay, his gaze turned Malhi’s way.


As they trudged along, something frightening came into view: a bull roasting, it looked like a giant BBQ. Petrified, he wondered within, could this be Bartholomew, who paid the price for my master and his kin? And onward his master walked, until at the Ark of the Covenant they stopped.



And his master slowly pulled from his side a knife. It glimmered in the candlelight. And upon the ground, he took a knee. And said, with tears in his eyes, “Malhi, I am so sorry. The Israelite people have made lots of mistakes. They’ve rebelled against the Lord and profaned His name. They have prostituted their hearts with idolatry to the golden calf, which “accidentally” came out of the fire I kindled; thus, the BBQ. So God has chosen you, to make these people holy, to wipe their slate clean, and be foreshadowing of the greatest thing mankind has ever seen. This is a picture of One’s who coming as a sacrifice once and for all. So that goats like you won’t have to take the fall. Then, grievously, Aaron put the knife to his throat. And that was the end of Malhi the goat. His blood was poured upon the alter, he paid the momentary price. But unfortunately there was more to this sacrifice.

Mushi, saw his master returned, and once again wondered what could be the meaning. Where was his friend? Would this bloodbath ever end? Bewildered, he looked into Aaron’s eyes, sure that his fate would soon include his demise. What happened next was much to his surprise. As his master laid his hands upon his head, the confessions he heard filled him with dread. Aaron spoke of every imaginable heinous, abhorrent, detestable, nefarious, odious, atrocious, flagrant, villainous and pernicious act that could be done. From the least to the greatest, sin was partaken in by everyone. What was to be done? Aaron lifted his hands and ushered him away into a room where the chosen man bathed. “Get out of the tub, there’ s no longer any need to scrub. You’re clean! Now take this goat far away to the wastelands, nevermore to be seen”. So they journeyed over the hills and far away, around the bushes, and past stacks of hay, until no house or vineyard could be seen, they even crossed a great ravine. With the chosen one no longer in sight, Mushi realized the magnitude of his plight. Forlorn, he wandered aimlessly, and turned and tossed, he knew that he was desperately lost. Thus he carried their sins far, far away, into the setting sun and the end of the day.

So, children, when you’re tempted to sin, remember the predicament Mushi the goat is in.

Why?

"I thought you wanted to go to Africa. Why are you going to spend another year in Texas?"

Good question.

"Those five reasons you're excited about SOTB sound great, but pretty personal-growth centered. How is this missions? Where does this fit into your vision for missions in the future?"

Also good question.

Answer:

First off, here's my vision: To disciple nations through the education of children
(Yes, those nations are hopefully African ones, but if God calls me somewhere else, I am not saying I won't go :) )

That's a big vision.

In Uganda the greatest need I saw within the church was the need for good discipleship. There are so many people who have such passion for serving and following Jesus, which is awesome! However, there is a HUGE LACK of good teaching, and of sound doctrine. Many pastors have never really learned how to study the Bible. Tradition, weird theology, and beliefs from past tribal religions have been mixed together. A Biblical view of God's nature and character is ESSENTIAL for right relationship with Him.

Children are the most receptive age group to the Gospel. 80% of people who come to Christ do so before the age of 12. Long-term they are the most effective to disciple as well, as they have their entire life ahead of them! They can meet Jesus at a young age and choose to follow Him, making wise decisions as they grow avoiding so much unnecessary baggage and heartache. Also, I absolutely ADORE children and have been blessed to already spend so many years teaching them about Jesus.

Education? Math, Reading, Spelling, Science kind of school? Yes! Why?
Do you know how many hours a week children are in school?
6 hours a day x 5 days a week = 30 hours of influence per week.
30 hours per week x 31 weeks of school = 930 hours of influence in 9 months.

Wohoo! Now can you imagine if children spent those 930 hours learning not only how to read, write, reason, do arithmetic, and science, but seeing God as the author of each subject? If each day, in each subject they saw how it revealed WHO GOD IS (aka His character and nature)? What if the motivation for going to school wasn't just so you didn't end up flipping burgers for the rest of your life, but to know God and love Him more and to be more like Him? Sound impossible? It's not. That's the kind of school I got to student teach Kindergarten in last year, and where I'll get to teach Latin this year!

So, how does School Of The Bible (SOTB) fit into all of this?
If I want to be a teacher in a school that aims to base every subject on the truths of God's Word, and reveals His character and nature, I'd better have a solid, Biblical understanding of God's nature and character, and a solid knowledge of how to study the Bible and interpret things IN CONTEXT!

If I am called to disciple others, I'd better make sure that my own foundation is secure and surely founded on the Word of God. I had better make sure that my vision of God is correct, before I say "follow me as I follow Christ".

Doctors need years and years of training before they fully begin their work. Why would missionaries, who are doing a job that is just as important, think that they need hardly any training? I want to be the most effective and successful that I can when I finally am back in Africa (or wherever). I want to be trained well, and this is an EXCELLENT place to be trained.

As a bonus, I get tons of extra teaching experience and an opportunity to put this whole Biblical foundation of education into practice!

Any more questions? I am happy to answer them!

Excitement. :D

I'm excited. So, so, so excited!

Why?

Because of this next season of my life, this next new adventure.

School of the Bible.

ahh.. just saying it sends shivers all through me. :)

Here are 5 reasons why:

#1 I am stoked for excellent teaching. We get to learn about and discuss all sorts of amazing topics: the character and nature of God, Hermeneutics (how to study the Bible), Homiletics (how to teach & preach effectively), the nature of sin, the atonement, Old Testament history, New Testament history, and all sorts of other wonderful things. Being privy to many mealtime discussions with SOTB students from last year only whetted my appetite. It is going to be amazing. And this school has been running for something like 20 years. And other schools in other nations have been built off this model. It's incredible.

#2 I am excited to build a solid, Biblical foundation in my life. Over the years I've had excellent teaching and discipleship from a variety of people and ministries, and I am so thankful for it. But, I've never had any formal training on how to really study the Bible. And I've seen firsthand the transformation that comes from the result of digging so deep into the Word all the time. I know that I have areas in my life that need to be built up Biblically and so I am so excited for that to happen.

#3 I can't wait to jump into this time, because I know that it will totally blow my view and understanding of God wide open. I cannot wait to know Him more and love Him more than I ever have before. After all, "The end of all learning is to know God, and out of that knowledge to love and imitate Him."

#4 I get to learn to teach adults. Currently, teaching adults absolutely terrifies me. Give me children and tell me to teach them just about anything, and it will be a piece of cake. Tell me to teach adults almost anything, and I'll be shakier than a patriotic jello mold (ironic, as that was part of my final project presentation last year (to a bunch of adults) and I'm pretty sure I never stopped shaking.) This year in SOTB, I'll have to do at least 3 major teachings for my class, and then on our outreaches (yes, a total of 3: Two 1 week in the US, then a 1 month overseas outreach) I'll be doing hours and hours of teaching. Terrifying, and yet exciting. Wohoo. Growth!

#5 I get to be a real teacher. Yes, it's true. On the YWAM campus is a K-12 School (with about 150 students) where I got to be a student teacher last year. It's called Christian Heritage School. And you're looking at the new 8th Grade Latin teacher. I am so excited to get to put into practice all the things I learned last year in my teacher training. This is such a great place to be a first year teacher, as I am under the mentorship of incredibly talent teachers who have been teaching for years. It's going to be a huge challenge, but I am so excited.

and there you have it... 5 reasons I'm beyond stoked for this next school.

Ready... Set... SOTB!

SOTB.

That stands for School Of The Bible.

it's 11 months long.

It's in Tyler, Texas (where I was last year for TFN)

and it's what I am doing next.

and it's going to rock my world.

Oh, so excited.

I'll be posting more about it soon.. so stay tuned.

But for now...

You can read more about the details and specifics here.

and here are a couple of videos:

After the Storm

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

this is an excerpt from a song that has become very near and dear to my heart. It's called "After the Storm" by Mumford and Sons. And it's delightful. To me, this speaks hope. It speaks life. I think of that moment after a long hike, when you reach the crest of the hill and you see an incredible view. Yes, I believe that for this season of my life. I must be near the top of this hill. I've caught a glimpse of the view, and it takes my breath away. I am headed to a good land with my Love. It does not mean that nothing bad will ever happen again. On the contrary, I know that there are storms and battles, probably ones greater than I can imagine, that await me. But, I will walk on, walk on, walk on, for He is with me. He is faithful. And because of Him, I can live my life with "grace in my heart and flowers in my hair". Yum.

listen to this piece of beauty right here:

Favorite

This is one of my favorite quotes ever. It was written by William Bradford, the Governor of the Pilgrims (from Plymouth, in 1620).
In case it's been a while since you've pondered it, the journey that they took was incredible. and ridiculous. They had already been driven from their homes, imprisoned, and barely escaped to Holland. After 10 years there, working back breaking labour, they realized that this was not the place they were called to be. They dreamed of a land where they could be truly free to worship God freely, and do what was right by their conscience. And God called them to it. Their journey was insane. Across the Atlantic ocean in a tiny boat in stormy weather. And when they finally reached their destination (which, actually, they landed hundreds of miles north of where they intended to land) no one was waiting for them. They were starting from scratch. In this Bradford tells what the Pilgrims told the neigh-sayers in Holland. And it has become great encouragement and inspiration to me. So.. here you go!

It was answered, that all great and honorable actions are accompanied with great difficulties, and must be both enterprised and overcome with answerable courages.
It was granted the dangers were great, but not desperate; the difficulties were many, but not invincible.

For though there were many of them likely, yet they were not certain; it might be sundry (many) of the things feared might never befall; others by Provident care and the use of good means, might in a great measure be prevented; and all of them, through the help of God, by fortitude and patience, might either be borne or overcome.

True it was, that such attempts were not to be made and undertaken without good ground and reason; not rashly or lightly as many have done for curiosity or hope of gain.

But their condition was not ordinary; their ends were good and honorable; their calling lawful and urgent; and therefore they might expect the blessing of God in their proceeding.

Yes, though they should lose their lives in this action, yet might they have comfort in the same, and their endeavors would be honorable.