these poems are for Kelsey, my absolutely astoundingly amazing little sister.
If I ever moved to Africa, I'd miss my amazing sister because no one else but Jesus knows why "yule log" makes me laugh so hard, and I'd like to keep it that way.
If I ever became an astronaut, I'd like to buy a toothpick bird because I found Ursula's scrunchie and I like rhubarb pie.
If I ever visit Namibia, I'd like to put Betty Cracker on TV because Suudzu is amazing and i like making fun of Jude Law.
If I ever actually got a million dollars and a pony, I'd like to be a lumberjack because they aren't really going to shoot a helicopter with a stick of dynamite and if Padre shaves off his mustache, I am not coming home.
If I could go to Trader Joe's I'd like to drink water that is big-like lake because Kurt Browning used to live in my closet and I like back to school shopping.
If I ever had a four foot baby I'd like to buy you a Coldstone cake because Ranger Vickie is from "Oregon" and I want to blow stuff up with my mind.
If I never turned on Axton road again, I'd like to tell Tim Gunn his outfit was fierce because I remembered that your shark's middle name is Andre and I like it when clerks at Walgreen's ask you if you're getting married.
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